the end

i've come to the end of my breastfeeding journey. well, almost the end, of this particular chapter at any rate.

i'd like to think that i've breastfed both my boys well. Abang is now 4yrs and Adik is now 2. and after 2 yrs of feeding, i think i've only about 1% to go until i completely stop. i have some mixed feelings... sad, because my babes is all grown up and won't depend on me. glad because, well, because my breasts are now mine and i can now nurse my nipples back to their supple selves!! hahaha.

but yes, the best word to sum up my feelings about feeding Adik is 'puas'. and the puas is from both sides, mine and his.

it hasn't been easy with Adik. he didn't latch on very well at first. he had trouble sucking, having a very tiny mouth. (you really do wonder when you look at your newborn how you're going to stuff your big nipple in his mouth!) as a result of that he woke up like every half hour or so for a feed. then he would suck slowly or sleep, so each feed took like half hour or so. pengsan aku.

then when it was time to send to school, he wouldn't take the bottle. at all. he would scream and shout and milk would run on his cheek cause he wasn't sucking the teat. i was almost hysterical lah jugak, crying was a given. it's comical now that i think about it. i ran out and bought all types of teats available and the bottles to fit it and gave the whole lot to the nursery, fingers crossed. telling myself that when he's hungry, he would drink it. and true enough, little by little, he did. with no problem, from day 1 itself.

babies do that to their mothers. drive them up the wall!

then came the pumping. which was ok. experience with Abang had taught me lots and i changed strategies. i had built up a lot of stock so going back to office was not that bad, i wasn't worrying that i was kais-ing pagi makan pagi. hehehe. i had about equal to 40 4oz bottles at one time. dunno how i did it, but seriously!!!

at the time, the pumping environment was good. it was an actual room, clean and we had a huge fridge with a freezer where we could keep stuff. it is depressing now that we're in towers, there's hardly any place that is decent to pump. i had to pump in a dinky little room, which is the store, but we make do i guess. makes it even more admirable for mothers who pump here!

i took a break from work for 7 months around the time when Adik was 1. i guess that was another factor why i had managed to breastfeed him so long. from that time on, it was direct all the way. i didn't need to bother to pump and i could feed him whenever i wanted or whenever HE wanted. with hindsight, i wish i had taken the long break when he was an infant but i guess given everything, that was the best time i could take it kot. i couldn't imagine myself pumping after 1 year cause i'd never done it before.

so now that Adik is speaking, he can express preference. and more and more the preference is not the breast. "no, not breast. i want bottle". and i can truthfully say that i am ok with that.

i have been blessed.